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Everything Is Better With Bacon

There is a whole world outside of your window, with wars, abortions, complex human relationships, but there is also bacon.

Types of Bacon

The worst kind of bacon is Canadian bacon. Canadian bacon is less impressive than American bacon. Ireland and the UK bacon is Canadian bacon. That is weird that UK bacon is gross ham. This is called back bacon, the middle cut of the pig’s back. It looks like ham.

Side bacon is the cut that is most popular in American grocery stores. It is an intermingling of fat and muscle. It is dark brown with white stripes. It is made from pork belly. It is the same cut of the pig as pancetta.

Turkey bacon is popular among health-conscious people. It has less cholesterol than pork. But it tastes like cardboard.

Bacon Memories

I remember eating bacon with my Dad at a local diner, called Dino’s. Bacon was the breakfast meat. A plate came with grits, eggs, toast, jam, butter, orange juice, coffee.

Another time I remember bacon was at my great grandmother’s house, where she often microwaved the precooked bacon for my breakfast.

Bacon Cooking Techniques

I cook bacon. I pan-fry. The bacon goes fast. I’m always out, always needing more.

Sometimes I bake it, slowly, so it comes out perfect but so late.

The trick of cooking bacon is to never wash the discarded bacon grease down the sink. Wipe it up with a few paper towels, and dump the rest into the garbage. If it goes down the sink, the sink will clog.

Grilling bacon works well. It gets crispier. Just get a disposable tin pan, lay it on top of the metal part, and fry the bacon on top.

Instagram showed me I can pan-fry in water, that this renders fat.

Pan-fry and lightly bake in the toaster. This adds crispiness and burns fat. It tastes best this way.

Bacon Recipes

BBQ pulled pork sandwiches take too long to slow-cook the pork. A quick alternative is bacon sandwiches, with BBQ sauce.

Chicken Cordon Bleu is a deep-fried chicken breast with cheese and bacon inside. Be careful. This recipe is deadly greasy.

Bacon Cheeseburgers are tasty, if the patties have not been left in the freezer for long. Things that live in the freezer taste like freezer.

Bacon Quotes

“If life gives you lemons, throw them away and get some bacon”

“I can’t make everyone happy. I’m not bacon.”

This is at the Black Lodge

I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee, land of yellow fever, broken glass, where Jeff Buckley drowned, trying to swim the river in boots.

There was an iconic bridge from which my father threw my butterfly knife, which he considered contraband.

I remember going to a party my dad took me to, at which I sat on a couch that was mounted high on the wall, on which I sat with some interesting person who showed me a tiny cartoon flipbook, that you would run the pages over your fingers to make the images on the pages appear in motion. It was book of Mickey and the Beanstalk, the giant chasing the mouse.

The trashcan that got improved sometime in the 2000s

I remember going to the Brooks Museum with my dad and looking at some art exhibit there, in which there was a photo of a North Mississippi All Star, who had a zit. The zit was unhidden, proof of perfect imperfection.

my dad sitting with his Indian buffet

I remember going to a party in el centro, at which fried chicken was deep fried in on the roof of frriends 5 story home, at which we jammed econo jazz in the basement.

I remember seeing Lucero perform at an art exhibit, when the band wore blue Work body suits. I was very little. I commented to the singer “you guys rule, but you drool.”

I attended University of Memphis for a little over a year. I changed from someone who dressed like a punk to someone who tries to present himself attractively. I felt so alien, so ashamed. I felt the life I desired was beyond my grasp, the people I wanted to get close to who I would see at the Hi Tone and around campus did not like me back. I did not know how to befriend them. I felt embarrassed of owning some red Dr Martens, got rid of them. I wanted to be in a punk band, a desire that quickly dissolved into inachievability as it became something I wanted so badly and hated for being beyond my grasp, a goal that made me question myself.

I went to 201 Poplar for a couple hours, when I got arrested one night, driving home, after drinking a huge bottle of Vodka. The system let me post my own bail, which was $100, and did not require me to have someone sign me out. In Nashville, when I was arrested driving home from the bar, two years later, they required both more bail money than I could afford and also someone else had to come get me from the jail.

drunk again, oh well, they say it is bad but I sure enjoy an ice cold beer

I studied for my GED in a building, behind Monsieur Jeffrey Evans house, on S Tucker, in midtown. A sweet older lady tutored me in math (i.e. slope, pre-calculus, calculus). She brought me to a level at which I would be able to pass. I passed the GED on Airways Blvd, where a sweet girl called me red bird.

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